There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
