she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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