My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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