I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
