Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
