I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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