Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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