that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
