2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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