I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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