Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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