I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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