i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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