I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
