It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
