allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
