he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize