I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
