tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
