whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
