He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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