I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i've created a new STD.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize