Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
