I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize