I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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