Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
me + whiskey = a bad person
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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