speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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