i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
