I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
