I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
