i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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