Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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