We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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