Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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