you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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