she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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