So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
