He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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