this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
