You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
