I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
