I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
