Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
