It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
