successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
