you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
