I checked into jail on foursquare
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I smell like Dick and happiness
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