i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
