Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize