I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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