Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
