I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
