Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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