I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
