This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
