Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You need a sexual gate keeper
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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