Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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