i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
