we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
