I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
