Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize