He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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