oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
