she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
