she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
two words...techno handjob
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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